HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
