Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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