can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You smell like stripper and shame
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
