Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
