I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
