I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
