i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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