when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
