Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
