I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
