I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
