Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My dick has a subreddit
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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