apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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