Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
