I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
