his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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