i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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