Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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