well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
