i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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