he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
