it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
