Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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