I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
