If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
