You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
