Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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