i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
farters have to be the big spoon...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize