I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
