My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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