you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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