Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
