I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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