I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
