Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
