I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
