I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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