You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
19 Movie Extras Reveal What It’s Like To Work With Celebrities
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo