LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
