Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
