I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
