before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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