Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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