he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
The Olympian is in my bed
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
