I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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