This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
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He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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