you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
