The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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