don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
