it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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