He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
