Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
