I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
