it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
