I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
