I think i peed on brittanys purse
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.