My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery