I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I touched a dick in church today