i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.