i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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