We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
