Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Randomize
