She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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