I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
