I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
