So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
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Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
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Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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