I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
