she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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