I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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