That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
